Schools in Tadcaster

A shared mistake, published recently in the Yorkshire Post and the Daily Mail.

Published on 14 January in the Daily Mail, Robert Hardman, in an article that includes a photograph of him in Tadcaster, writes:

Meanwhile, all the banks and schools are on the west bank, meaning serious disruption for those on the east.

The following day, Grant Woodward wrote an article for the Yorkshire Post. He also visited the town, and in the article he quotes local resident Irene Bulmer:

“The supermarket and medical centre are on one side and the pharmacy, banks and everything else on the other. All the schools are there too, it must be horrendous for parents.”

The point is, it's not true. Tadcaster East Community Primary School is definitely on the east side of town. It must just be an unlikely coincidence that both articles make exactly the same mistake.

A few reasons why I am not keen on Spectre (contains spoilers)

M: We've got 20 minutes to save the world.
Bond girl: James, could I have a quick word?
Bond: Of course.
Bond girl: Look, I love you, but it's really not working out, so I'm off.
Bond: Oh, okay. What are you going to do?
Bond girl: I'm just going to wander off and walk the streets of London late at night.
Bond: With all the baddies around?
Bond girl: Yeah, pretty sure that will be fine.
Bond: Yeah, I think so too.

Sam Mendes: Where did you get the idea for this stunt?
Stunt Co-ordinator: Ninja Warrior UK.
Sam Mendes: Cool.

Bond: How did you escape from the baddies?
Q: I hid in the cleaners' cupboard.
Bond: Yeah, I must try that sometime.

M: We've got 10 minutes before the system goes live.
Q: Although we could always take it down after that.
M: We could, yeah.

Psychiatrist: So you're not the main villain.
Moriarty: No.
Psychiatrist: So who is?
Moriarty: Some European guy who wears shoes without socks.
Psychiatrist: How does that make you feel?
Moriarty: How do you think that makes me feel?

Moriarty: Don't worry, we'll soon get the South Africans to vote for us. Then we'll have the nine best intelligence agencies in the world working together.
M: South Africa?
Moriarty: Yeah, oh, good point.

Sam Mendes: Where did you get the idea for this stunt?
Stunt Co-ordinator: Jaws.
Sam Mendes: Cool.

Builder: So we've finished your giant secret server warehouse in the desert.
Blofeld: That's great.
Builder: And we've surrounded it with an oil and gas refinery.
Blofeld: Because...
Builder: It's the classic combination. You know, cut keys, mend shoes; server warehouse, oil and gas refinery.

Bond: Go and find out what you know about this ring.
Q: Where?
Bond: Oh, I don't know, how about on a ski lift, with your laptop. Pretty sure that will be secure.

Q: I'm injecting you with secret smart blood that'll track you anywhere.
Bond: Wait a minute. Consent!

Subject: Baddie I forgot to tell you about.

Hi James

Just FYI, there's a super secret baddie that I forgot to tell you to kill. Lol, so forgetful. Anyway

Love you

Dead M

Bond girl: Why do you keep looking at those old photographs?
Bond: Because they're all so badly photoshopped. It must mean something.

Precision tortoise

The latest in our occasional series on odd measurements. Thursday's Metro featured an advertising wraparound, and the story of a tortoise called Bertie who completed a 5.48m race in 19.59 seconds. It's not the precision of the time that is odd, but the precision in the length of the race. If you're running a 5.48m race, why not round it up to 5.5m? The answer, of course is it was an 18ft long course, as an original story from the time of the record-breaking event makes clear. The source of this daft conversion is probably this press release from Guinness World Records, which includes the 5.48m measurement, although not the 18ft one, which is even more odd because it includes his speed in ft/s.

We're hearing...

I don't choose to listen to Heat Radio, but it is on in the gym and... well, you don't want to hear my excuses.

At 8 o'clock every morning I listen to their news bulletin. (There is no travel bulletin. For this, you have to go to their website, which strikes me as an odd option when you're driving.) The first story of the news bulletin always starts with "We're hearing...", which is an odd construction, I think. Is it intended to give a feeling of immediacy, a folksier version of "this just in"? If so, it's clearly fake, since stories that have been around since the previous night also get the "We're hearing..." treatment. Perhaps it is just to give a friendly, confidential feel, which Heat listeners might be interested in. I don't know, but it does make me smile that, presumably, somebody has to type "We're hearing..." at the beginning of every lead story for the bulletin.

St Augustine

Once for all, then, a short precept is given you: Love, and do what you will: whether you hold your peace, through love hold your peace; whether you cry out, through love cry out; whether you correct, through love correct; whether you spare, through love do you spare: let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good.

H. Browne. “Translation of Augustine’s Homily 7 on the First Epistle of John” In Philip Schaff, Ed., From Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, First Series, Vol. 7. (1888)

What works? Evidence for decision makers

The Cabinet Office has published What works? Evidence for Decision Makers, a report that details the progress of the new What Works centres, which cover education, early intervention, policing and more.

I'm not going to analyse the report in detail, because mostly it's a collation of existing material. However, like many of these collations, sometimes something gets lost in the editing process. The section on education (about the work of the Education Endowment Foundation) includes a short paragraph on the use of teaching assistants as tutors. Says the first sentence:

Small group tuition can be a cost-effective alternative to one-to-one tuition as a way to provide intensive support for struggling pupils.

But it's the second sentence that had me scratching my head.

This is true despite the fact that small group tuition is on average, slightly  less effective than one-to-one tuition, because it is also much less expensive.

I think I know what they meant to say, but I've read it several times and still can't make sense of it.

#weirddreams Catch-up

I bumped into an old work colleague. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I think she might have had a few drinks, because she kissed me a few more times on the cheek. She explained that the company was now made up of many layers, and she illustrated this by putting her hands horizontally, on top of each other, again and again. The company had appointed a number of people from Guy Vets. She said this as if it was supposed to mean something. Just then we were approached by a group of men who were paralysing people. They did it simply by pouring a tiny amount of some liquid into your ear. They did it to me and, almost immediately, while I was still conscious, I could no longer move my limbs. I had to wake myself up to escape.

Some memorial plaques at the University of York

Provision of a Student Ambulance Paramedic Diploma course

The East of England Ambulance Service NHS Trust are currently advertising for someone to provide a Student Ambulance Paramedic Diploma course.

But what is that? It seems like it should be a course to train paramedics who staff a student ambulance. Presumably a student ambulance is one that follows students around on a pub crawl, rescuing those who are worse for wear. The East of England Ambulance Service covers Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire, Hertfordshire, Essex, Norfolk and Suffolk, which presumably includes Cambridge University. So they're looking for people to pick up drunk Cambridge students and make sure they are OK.

Of course that's not what it's about, but intriguingly someone had to place a Freedom Of Information request to find out more.

Extractives

Evidence Synthesis on the impact of extractives on political settlements and conflict in East Africa

is a new research opportunity with the Department for International Development. As usual, I had no idea what extractives are. Turns out an extractive is (logically enough) something that can be extracted. In the case of this research this means primarily oil or gas, and the research is looking into the extent to which the discovery of oil and gas in East Africa has resulted in a resource curse, otherwise known as the Dutch disease.

Leery

Principals Leery of New Teacher-Effectiveness Data, Says Study

So says a headline in an email I received. To me, "leery" means to look at something in a slightly seedy, perhaps slightly drunk way. Similar to "lairy", but a bit more suggestive. Turns out that in the US it means doubtful or suspicious. Yet another difference between British and US English.

Phatic

This is a terrific word. According to the OED 

Of, designating, or relating to speech, utterances, etc., that serve to establish or maintain social relationships rather than to impart information, communicate ideas, etc

In other words, when you say "Hi, how are you?" "Fine, you?" "Great, thanks". It doesn't really mean anything; nobody wants to hear how you really are., but that's phatic communion (I thought it would be phatic communication, but that's another story).

Mr Majeika - Everyone's favourite wizard

I found this Mr Majeika book the other day

and I was surprised by the tagline "Everyone's favourite wizard". This edition was published in 2004. By then, five of the Harry Potter books had been published and two of the films had been released. Lord of the Rings had been published for 50 years, and the latest trilogy of films had been released. I'm sure that Mr Majeika has his fans, but to claim that he's everyone's favourite seems a little ambitious to me.

Oddly specific

The University of York are arranging two York Researchers' Nights, one in September 2014 and one in September 2015. The idea is that on a Friday night, researchers will organise events in the centre of York.

I'm not sure that this is a terrific plan, as whenever I've been in York on a Friday night, discussions about philosophy or physics seem to be the last things on the minds of those who are out and about. There may be philosophical implications of their conversations, in the way that alcohol does tend to induce puzzlement at the meaning and purpose of one's existence. There may be issues of physics to be considered, in the trajectory of objects thrown through the air. But I'm not sure this is the time and place to discuss them.

That is not the concern of this post, however. No, this is about something more trivial. They are advertising for a York Researchers' Night Co-ordinator to help with organising the events. What interested me was this additional duty that will form part of the job.

0.2% of the role is supporting the York Festival of Ideas. Over a 13-month, full-time contract, I reckon that's about 4 hours, or one afternoon. Either that afternoon is so important that it needs a specific mention in the advert, or somebody should suggest organising a short seminar from the maths department. (Although perhaps not on a Friday night.)

V4 POO - Sh*t numberplate

For a while, I have been wanting to do an occasional series on personalised number plates. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you should never trust someone with a personalised number plate, but it's close. It's also long been a source of bafflement to me as to what some personalised number plates are supposed to mean.

What finally prompted me into action was a big black Maserati that pulled out in front of me the other day. A shiny, expensive sportscar, its engine roared throatily (I think that's how you are supposed to describe it). Yet on the car was the numberplate V4 POO. That just struck me as, well, silly. Maybe the driver's name is Vapoo. There was a Maserati V4, but in the 1930s, and if you do a search for POO, well, you get information on whether or not bird poo spoils the car's paint. Perhaps the driver has some sort of scatological interest. I don't want to speculate too much about his private life. But, really, why would you buy an expensive car and then put POO on it?

Acid

I do like a good self-help quote. OK, I'm lying, I can't stand self-help quotes, but I was enjoying reading an article on rebuilding your life, and generally being awesome, when I came across this sentence:

Look how beautiful Mark Twain talks about this: “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Firstly it alerted my "dubious quote" senses. I'm always doubtful that these internet quotes have the correct attribution. So I scuttled off to worry about that. I can't find a reliable source pinning it down to Mark Twain, and elsewhere it is credited to Seneca.

But perhaps more importantly, it's rubbish. If you're storing acid in a glass bottle then the bottle is fine. It's pretty much unconcerned about being full of acid, and can stay that way for years. If you take that bottle of acid and pour it over, let's say, your hand*, then it will do considerable harm.** So the inspiring quote makes no sense at all. If I'm going to rebuild my life then I would like to base it on somewhat firmer foundations than quotes like these.

*WARNING: Do not do this.

**The extent of the harm will depend on the strength of the acid. You're probably OK with citric acid, but stay away from hydrochloric.

The golden brick

York is definitely a golden brick hospitality destination these days

says the estate agent who sold a York hotel. I had not heard of the phrase "golden brick hospitality destination" but assumed it was a piece of colourful property jargon, like greenfield or brownfield. Having done a Google search, I'm now convinced he either

1. made it up (in which case let's see how far it spreads); or
2. the journalist misheard him, and it was a different phrase, but I can't work out what.

Swearing defined

Interesting to read this definition of swearing in a recent academic paper.

Swearing referred to verbal statements or gestures pertaining to body parts designed for sexual activity or waste elimination, or uncomplimentary references to others' parentage.

Curious.

#weirddreams Farage

Surprised to see Nigel Farage appointed as the new head of our department. He's thinner than I expected, almost gaunt-looking. He told us that we had been awarded a 6% increase in funding, but that we now needed to "hustle". I asked him what that meant, was it going out and trying to attract more business, or dancing in a suggestive way? I illustrated this by twerking in front of him. Perhaps not the best career move.

The dream was also notable for the way that locations can change during a dream. Our office was (originally) in a long, winding corridor. You had to walk past a Portuguese cleaner before going through the only door off the corridor, which in turn led to some stairs and our office. When I returned after meeting Nigel (I feel we're on first name terms now), the corridor and the cleaner were still there, but now there were many doors, most of which seemed to lead into medical facilities of one kind or another. It had basically turned into a hospital.

Similarities

Watching Britain's Got Talent this evening, I was struck by the resemblance between one of the lads from Collaboro (great name by the way) and England footballer Michael Carrick. I wonder if by any chance they could be related.

Collaboro

Carrick