Cover his face, mine eyes dazzle

Difficult decisions down at the Gardeners' World magazine office this month:

"Where are we going to put the subscribers' promotional postcard for this issue?"
"How about over Alan Titchmarsh's face?"
"That's a great idea."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."

The only problem I can see is that no one would want to remove it. (Just kidding, Alan, love you really. Although maybe stop wearing jeans with a shirt tucked in - I don't think that look works for you.)

The Fall and Alan Titchmarsh bend sinister

Chalk this one up to bizarre. The Gardeners' World website has a weekly competition for assorted garden-related goodies. It is usually a multiple choice question that does not tackle either the brain or Google. For example, which of these is found in the soil - branches, leaves or roots? That's maybe a bit easier than the usual standard, but you get the idea. This week's competition is a bit more interesting, though. It is a competition to win an Alan Titchmarsh Wild Bird Collection (a collection of food for wild birds, rather than the birds themselves). Here is the question:

Which of the following is not the name of a bird commonly seen in the UK:

• Blackbird
• Bournemouth runner
• Song thrush 

OK, the answer is the second one, but what is a Bournemouth runner? The only place I know it from is the title of a track by The Fall on their Bend Sinister album. According to this site it was the story of someone who stole the band's backdrop and then did a runner. I gave it three pages of Google and could not find another meaning of Bournemouth Runner suggested. Clearly there is a sub somewhere in the Gardeners' World empire with a more than passing interest in the cheeky vocal stylings of Mark E Smith. Good work, sir, we salute you. Next week, try and sneak in The Birmingham School of Business School.

Below is a screenshot, for when the page fades into the dust:

#weirddreams Alan Titchmarsh and his double

Perhaps Chelsea Flower Show wasn't the best of places to look for somewhere to play five-a-side, but suddenly through the crowd came Alan Titchmarsh, his double, and his bodyguards. It was not unlike this classic picture of Frank Sinatra, his double and bodyguards, taken by Terry O'Neill. However, Alan and his double pushed their way through and passed us without a word. I wondered later why Alan Titchmarsh would have a double, but it seems likely that he would be used on the more dangerous gardening shots - those involving forks and power tools, perhaps. It would be foolish to risk the typing fingers of Mr Titchmarsh, particularly if his tetanus injections aren't up-to-date.